Gone too soon, B

When I had my first cellphone as a teenager, Bethuel was one of the few other kids in the hood to also own cellphone, and so naturally, we exchanged numbers. When I lost my mother in 2003 and moved to go live with my uncle Joseph and his wife Sis Nelly in Midrand, they did their best to love a traumatized child, but I was just so lonely that year. I didn’t want to burden people with my grief, carrying it alone seemed like the better thing to do. But that year, there was Bethuel, who sent me the most encouraging and loving SMSs that used to brighten my day in a time of chaos. He was a rainbow my cloud, you see. He beamed with joy when he saw me, when he saw everyone else he loved, because he had so much to love to give. 

Our cellphones allowed us a silent language of love and allowed us to encourage each other online in ways that made us look forward to seeing each other and made us delight in each other’s company even more. We took photos with neighbors and friends with Motorola VGA cameras and paid Bra Lucky to snap us with his camera because though we never spoke about it, we knew it in our bones that we were beautiful boys, in and out. Bethuel must also be noted down as having dared to try nearly every hairstyle under the sun, looked good in cornrows, and was generous with a soothing smile that will be missed by everyone who has known his love. My skies are grey, and without him, it’s becoming more and more difficult to see the rainbow, you see.

He was one of the kindest, most loving people I knew, and his unexpected death has left me, and my community devasted. He encouraged my writing voice, my work and always had a loving ear to offer. I know now that death might have created a barrier from his beautiful tender flesh, but his soul, the soul of his love, remains with us, and it is his love that remains like the rainbow in my very grey clouds. We have lost a good man, one who radiatied love for all those around him and always had a loving word to lift our spirits. We have lost a friend, but we have gained an angel. Wherever his wonderful spirit may be, we know it is in a good place, because he was good. We who knew him continue to know his loving, warm and radiant nature.

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There is so much death everywhere, it’s becoming harder and harder to see the rainbows in our clouds, which makes Maya Angelo’s call to become rainbows in each other’s clouds, all the more urgent. And I have lost so many rainbows in the past year, I know many have, but I am encouraged by the love of my loved ones who are now my angel. After the fact of life, it is love that remains.